A follow up regarding a particular video game of the Silent Hill series that was like a nail in my head.
I was ready to give up. Really. But it was too many dollars and too much of an inexplicable fandom of the series. Couldn’t tell you why I enjoy them. Really really not much of a horror fan in any form, except aparently this one.
At any rate, I restarted the game from the beginning today and with a particular kind of determination and precision fought tooth and nail up to just past where I’d made it to last night, by the skin of my god damn teeth. This go around, not too surprisingly I guess, I fared significantly better.
I was dismayed a bit this afternoon upon perusing the official strategy guide at the nearest available GameStop when I found I had not missed, well, pretty much anything in the game that far. ‘Homecoming’ had proven itself linear enough, or I’ve played enough of the series, to have a feel for how things worked and was not skipping over crucial things.
Sadly, for whatever reason, and many are possible, it’s not a matter of real triumph or success. I don’t feel a lot better. I mean, I do feel much better than I did last night but that’s just because I’m not losing my shit raging at the game, or anything. But not really better. And there’s still a lot more of the game to go.
I had a thought as I was just sitting here attempting to calm down. I wondered, or rather had a thought and then was made to wonder: why do I still consider myself a writer? It’s almost an exercise in futility trying to get myself to regularly write in a blog, even though I’m under the impression that I want to. I don’t write fiction like I used to. That’s been ever decreasing since about 1998. It’s been dead quite some time.
Or, I can only faintly hope, sleeping.
FUCK SILENT HILL. FUCK IT IN THE EYE. SUCK A DICK KONAMI. YOU CAN’T MAKE A GAME IF YOU’RE GONNA MAKE IT THAT FUCKING HARD. IT’S TOO FUCKING HARD. GIVE ME ONE MORE GOD DAMN ENERGY DRINK, ONE MORE CLIP, SOMETHING FOR FUCKS SAKE! PUT A FUCKING SAVE POINT SOMEWHERE! DON’T MAKE ME SUFFER THROUGH THE SAME SHIT TWELVE TIMES! I DON’T CARE, GIVE ME AN EASY MODE OR SOMETHING! FUCK! I JUST WANNA PLAY THE GOD DAMN GAME THROUGH.
I WANT MY FUCKING MONEY BACK.
Well. There was a post here. Or there was supposed to be a post here. Unfortunately, my post expressing my excitement over my newly acquired iPhone was lost due to a small mishap with… My iPhone. Oh technology…
It is wonderful though. I had a trip today to Pennsylvania and was able to view my newsfeeds and check out new apps in the app store and the tedious car ride flew by. Yes, the expense was great but I’ve wanted one foe a long time and as I perused the finest offerings of our close competitor ad I was testing them I just sighed and realize that the truth is no one is going to catch up any time soon. Sorry android, I’ve followed you from the beginning and well… Not yet. That’s all.
So this is my second attempt. By all rights this will be the one you read. It’s a new era. And it starts with a phone.
If someone had come to me, oh, a year ago and said “In one year, you will have a blog. And all of your posts will be about your thinning hair” I would have looked at him and said gravely “Fuck You”.
Then I would have dreaded such a circumstance in the back of my mind for the next year, until now, when it would be happening.
It’s time to jump on the “As Seen on TV” bandwagon, or some such noise.
Speaking of Noise, there’s a fair bit in my head right now. Externally, it’s crickets. But internally it’s that curious feeling. Not of curiosity, but that odd sensation of something ebbing away and something creeping back in. Neither of those things, incidentally, is related to my hair.
Damn it, even attempting to steer clear of my hair as a topic just redoubles my focus on it. Shit!
Noise. The ebb and the creep which comprise the flow. The internal room. It’s filled with chatter. With voice. I guarantee it isn’t schizophrenic voice… and I totally just spelled schizophrenic right without spell check’s help, thank you. It’s not that, it’s just the old internal monologue which I’m almost positive is perfectly natural.
If it’s not… let me know.
But it’s when the chemical concentration… something else changes. Not for the worse… not sure if for the better. But it’s different.
Hmm. I don’t like how this sounds. If it sounds bad… it’s not supposed to.
I’m losing my hair.
I have been for a while now, despite my moderate age of 24 years.
Despite all of the other depressing things that I find to contend with, this stands out.
I just found out a day or two ago it’s actually worse than I realized.
How depressing.
My father lost his hair around the same time I am. Coincidental, because we are not blood relatives. Anecdotally amusing though, for that very reason.
Since I haven’t slept, I might consider today to still be Wednesday, despite the fact that it is actually Thursday. I will probably sleep soon. It’s quite late – 2 am-ish. About a half an hour ago I felt I was unable to sleep, at least in that particular moment. What I set about doing was uploading this theme and customizing the header. The header has actually been done for something like two weeks I think, maybe just one week, but I haven’t gotten to it. That seems to be how it goes.
I wish it weren’t. There’s nothing unappealing about getting things done.
I cut my hair today. I might be getting better at doing it. For a second there, I actually liked how it looked. But I moved, and then the moment was lost.
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